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my palm died. deceased. dried up, dusty, done for.
i put it out in the front yard, hidden by bushes, telling myself i’ll deal with it later.
it’s later. by about a year.
i bought some new plants, i’m repotting others. oh, right, i have a clay pot in my front yard! yanno, the one with the dead stump in it!
i went outside go fetch my pot, and instead was met with a palm tree.
even after she was abandoned, she never stopped growing
🌱

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what’s your darkest secret,

i don’t wanna know.

if you’re here by mistake, my apologies.
if you’re here by choice, welcome.

my mind races. a lot.
i have a hard time being alone. i’ve identified as an introvert for a few years now, but i’m starting to think i was just surrounded by people who drained me.
i love being with and around people. i love to talk and listen. i love company.
but i’m alone a lot, with no one to talk to but myself, and myself can be really cruel to me.
i’ve been journaling. it’s taken the place of tweeting and texting people i shouldn’t. i write down every thought i want to hold onto and every idea. it’s helped me rest. i used to rush to start all my ideas before i forgot them which leaves me with half-organized closets, half-empty canvases, and half-written songs scattered in every corner of my life.
i have a lot more ideas than i realized.
yesterday i was frantically writing everything in my brain as a desperate attempt to silence the shouting, in between paint strokes, in between bites & sips. one thought to the next without pause, writing faster and faster without absorbing the words as they left me.
a lot of negative self talk. a lot of sadness. a lot of fear.
then-
one lone, solitary word:
“stop.”
stop what?
for the first time since i don’t remember when, my mind was totally empty. silent. not a single word, not a single picture. nothing to complete the sentence. just:
“stop.”
i stared at it, small and loud, still and shocked.
i stopped.
then cried.
it wasn’t a message from me. it was a message to me. it was an answer to a prayer.

do you think i’m pretty?